It has been several days since my encounter with Scott. Part of me feels guilty for what happened between us, but another, stornger part of me feels exhilerated and revived by having been with him. He had finally told me he loved me. Now, whether I believed him or not was another story. It was still nice to hear after so many years, though. He had hurt me before, and although part of me wanted to believe him, common sense tells me not to be so naive and idealistic. Since that night, I haven’t spoken to him. He has left several voicemails on my cell, but I haven’t returned them. Do I want to risk my family just to be with him? He has hurt me so many times. Although a huge part of me absolutely hates Adam, he is still Emma’s dad, and I must’ve married him for some reason. I think I can remember being in love with him…but that was a long time ago– before he made a hobby of trying to make me feel like I was inferior to him. Surely, he was not just a rebound relationship that just went too far, right? Trying to ponder this, I almost don’t hear my phone ringing. I look at the display…It’s him again. I briefly debate with myself on whether I should answer. Taking a deep breath, I answer. He greets me, sounding a little nervous. He asks how I am, and after a short hesitation, he questions why I haven’t returned any of his calls. I tell him that I have needed time to think. I apologize to him for not just telling him as much. He understands. I tell him that I really have to consider whether I am really ready to throw away years of marriage for him…I’ve already risked this with him once before. He, in turn, asks me if it was worth throwing away true love just to be loyal. Good point, I think to myself. Whatever love I have (or had) for Adam never held a flicker of a candle to the intense feelings I had for Scott over the ten plus years I knew him. At the time, though, he was not accessible to me. I had to be in love with him from a distance, all the while trying to be content with just being his friend. And the truth of the matter is, he was always a better friend to me than a boyfriend or lover. We would talk a lot when we were just friends. He and I could talk for hours about everything and nothing. He was the one I called when my grandfather died. He was the one I could open up to. Everything between us was great until we complicated things by trying to be a couple. And once we added sex to the equation, that just made things even more strained. We stopped talking to each other, and he cheated on me when he and I were supposed to have been together. Still, for some reason, that guy was always irresistible to me. I can’t seem to forget about him regardless of the bad things that guy did to me. While I’m off in my own world trying to think these things over, he asks me if I’m still there. Snapping out of my thoughts, I answer him. He asks me if I’ll come see him again. Torn, I say to him that I don’t know if it’s a good idea. A big part of me wants to see him again– wants to look into that gorgeous face and those beautiful azure eyes. Another part of me, however, knows that even though I am drawn to him, he’s not good for me even if he is the love of my life. I tell him I need more time to think. Sounding more than a little disappointed, he agrees to give me more time. He says he’s willing to wait if he has to. I thank him and say goodbye, hanging up the phone.
A few more days pass. I am sitting at the coffee house, typing away on my computer. Totally engrossed in what I am doing, I barely notice the shadow that is cast over part of my table. I glance up, and he’s standing there, smiling warmly. He asks if he can sit. I say sure. Strange, I think to myself, he looks so unsure and almost nervous. I’ve never seen him that way. He has always had a confidence that he displayed, even if it was a false one. I ask how he found me. He says that he remembers my asking him to meet me here some years back, and figured I still came here. Reaching across the table, he rests his hand on mine. He tells me that he can’t get me off of his mind…that it has been that way since we split up almost eight years ago, and our affair last year just enhanced those feelings. He tells me that when he told he still remembered what I looked like naked, it was because he had wanted to remember…he loved being with me. He said that he would spend nights lying awake thinking about how good it would feel to have me in his bed every night. That he felt sick when he found out I was married. He laces his fingers through mine, and asks what I’m thinking. I tell him he knows I have loved him for years; I had even promised him that a part of me would always be in love with him. But I am not sure if I can trust my feelings for him. Leaning across the table, he tells me I can trust “this,” and kisses me tenderly on the lips. I lose myself for a minute, loving the feeling of his lips against mine. Then, I remember where I am. I can’t be doing this in public…I really can’t be doing this at all. What is it about this guy that affects me this way? Why is it so hard for me to resist him? I begin to put away my computer, and get ready to leave. He notices I am wearing a skirt, and comments on how pretty I look. Trying not to get too flustered, I thank him and turn away, not wanting him to see me blush. He notices anyway, and teases me a little. After I gather my things and get ready to leave, he grabs my computer bag, and leads the way out of the coffee shop. He suggests that we go to a more secluded place where we can talk. We get to his truck, and he hops in, gesturing that I join him. I refuse, and tell him I will follow him in my own car. Smiling, he closes the door and waits for me to get into my vehicle and turn on the engine. He backs out of the parking space and leads the way.
After a short drive, we end up at a park with a lake. Parking his truck on the grass, he gets out of the truck, and waits for me. I approach, and again, he smiles at me. He then opens the gate on the back of the truck and sits on it. He asks me to join him. After some creative maneuvering, I am sitting next to him, and we begin to talk. He asks me if I have had enough time to think everything over. I tell him that I have been thinking, but I still haven’t really come to a decision. Quietly, he takes my hand, laces his fingers through mine, and looks into my eyes. He tells me that even though it has taken what seems like forever to realize it, he’s in love with me, and he’ll make a point to prove it to me if I’ll give him the chance. I think to myself that he is being very convincing, but he has always been a good liar. His charm has been the equivalent of kryptonite on my defenses. He jumps down from the tailgate, and faces me. He rests his hands on my knees. He tries to make me understand what he’s thinking…what he’s feeling. Seeing the doubt on my face, he says he knows he has hurt me in the past. I am still so unsure about everything, though. Almost unnoticeably, he pushes my knees apart and positions his slender body between them. He slides his hands up to my thighs. Looking frighteningly intense, he says I am all he has been thinking about for years. While part of me is loving the feel of his amazingly tender hands on me, another part is totally appauled at the stupidity that I am displaying…this guy has hurt me so many times before! What makes this time any different? Just like the other times, he’s saying sweet things and making promises…being hopelessly romantic. He has lied to me before. What is stopping him from lying again? Is love really this blind and stupid? It must be, because, I find myself kissing him…falling under his spell yet again. One of his hands is curled around the back of my neck, the other on the small of my back, gently pulling me closer to him. I am now sitting on the very edge of the tailgate. As the skies get darker, the stars start to appear, and I realze he and I are totally alone. My heart begins to rac
e as h
is hand slides up my shirt. He kisses me more deeply as his hand tenderly caresses my back. By now, my head is spinning…I can’t think straight. I feel his hands slide to the front of my body, up over my stomach, and resting themselves on my ribcage, just beneath the fabric of my bra. As his tongue dances with mine, I feel myself losing touch with reality. Right now, there is only him. No stresses of the world, no miserable homelife, no feeling trapped. Just him and me. I wind my fingers through his dark hair, completely lost in how good it feels to be with him. Allowing his hands to roam, they travel down my stomach and to my thighs. He pushes them apart, and positions himself even closer. He gently slides his hands under my skirt, and rubs his thumb against the thin fabric of my panties. I whimper against his lips, fully turned on my his amazing touch. He hooks his fingers around the waistband of my panties, and with expert skill, maneuvers them off my hips, and discards them. Pulling back a little, he looks into my eyes. He tells me he loves me. He tells me I’m beautiful…He trails light kisses down my neck. Placing his hand back under my skirt, he fondles me for a few moments, then, while kissing me deeply, he slides a finger inside me and repeatedly thrusts it into me. Groaning against his lips, I reach for the button and zipper of his jeans. Unfastening them, I reach into his underwear and curl my fingers around him. Reacting to my touch, he takes in a sharp breath and pushes his finger further into me. Panting, I continue to play with him. After several minutes of this, his hand retreats, pushes my thighs further apart, and curls his fingers around my hips. With my help, he pushes his jeans down, and, still standing, he gently enters me. He lets out a deep groan as my muscles enclose around him. Curling his fingers around my butt, he pulls me toward him, consequently pushing himself still deeper inside me. He brings his lips to mine and kisses me hungrily as he drives himself into me. Continuing his assault, he breaks our kiss, and looks into my eyes. His passion is overwhelming. Feeling myself tighten around him, I know I’m about to lose it. He’s not a very big guy, but he really knows how to use what he’s got. I notice he’s starting to lose control, too. I wrap my legs around him as he starts to go faster, and after a few moments, I climax, begging him not to stop. In reply, he pushes harder and faster, driving me absoultely insane. With a wild, sexy smile, he bites my bottom lip before kissing me again. He thrusts his tongue into my mouth, and lets out a deep, almost animalistic groan. I bury my fingers in his dark hair and continue to enjoy his skilled performance. After a few minutes, he erupts, groaning my name. Totally spent, he takes a moment to catch his breath. Grinnning dreamily, he pulls back and looks into my eyes. He touches my face tenderly, and tells me how much he loves me. Still a little euphoric, I smile and reply that I love him, too. After staring into my eyes for a few minutes, he pulls his pants back up. He again positions his body between my legs and curls his hands around my waist. He gently caresses my lower back and butt. We’re both exhausted, but we can’t seem to take our eyes or hands off each other. We both know that our time together has to end eventually, and we dread that moment. He jumps up onto the gate of the truck, and sits behind me. He curls his arms around me and kisses me on my shoulder. Showing a side of himself I don’t think I’ve ever seen, he looks up at the stars and mentions what a pretty night it is tonight. Feeling relaxed, I lean against him and agree. I can feel his heart beating as he holds me close to him. He lets out a deep, relaxing sigh and kisses me behind my ear. He tells me he has been thinking about being with me this way for a long time. His openness and sensitivity have really caught me off guard. I’ve never seen him this way. Just like last time, I feel completly serene and content, and I tell him that I wish the moment we’re sharing now could last forever. Without a word, he just holds me more tightly, and again, kisses me softly behind my ear. Now that night has fully fallen, there is a slight chill to the air. Noticing me shiver slightly, he gets up, saying he’ll be back in a minute. He reaches behind one of the seats in the truck, and pulls out a medium-sized fleece blanket. He jumps back into the truck bed, sits with his back against the cab, and gestures that I join him. I do, and he wraps the blanket around both of us. He’s continuing to surprise me. He is being so sweet and considerate. He asks if the blanket is helping. I tell him it is, and thank him. He again curls his arms around me, and sweetly laces his fingers through mine. I lean back and rest my body against his. Again, I feel his heart beating, and its rythm just helps me to relax even more. He kisses me softly on my left temple. I partially turn my head to face him, and he brushes his lips against mine. I reach back with one hand and wind my fingers through his hair. I pull his face closer, and kiss him deeply. Surprised, he moans and eagerly returns the kiss. As we kiss, I turn completely around, now sitting on my knees facing him. My other hand joins the first as it buries itself in his dark hair. He rests his hands on my ribcage for a moment, then, he allows them to slide under my shirt and up my back. Again, I start to feel lightheaded as he unfastens my bra and brings his hands around to my chest. Resting my nipples against his palms, he curves his fingers around my breasts, and squeezes them gently. Reaching between our bodies, I slide one hand into his jeans…he’s ready to go again. I unzip his pants and help him push them down. He looks up at me as I straddle him. He stares at me with so much passion…it catches me off guard and I feel my face flush red. For a stunned moment, I just sit on his lap, staring into those beautiful sapphire eyes. My heart is racing…he has ignited something inside me that I can’t explain. He slides his hands up over my thighs and he rests them, cradling my butt. I kiss him deeply as I reach between us and curl my fingers around him and slowly take him inside me. He exhales heavily and lets out a deep groan as my muscles encompass him. His hands grip my butt tightly as I slide up and down his length. He closes his eyes and rests his head on the back of the truck cab, moaning my name. His voice sounds so unsteady…like he’s doing everything he can not to lose control. His closed eyelids flutter wildly as I continue to ride him. He moves his hand up to my hips and grips them tightly. An almost primal groan escapes him…He says I’m driving him crazy. I can feel my relase rising up inside me like a geyser that’s about to blow. I start to whimper his name as I feel myself tighten around him. His hands are now on my back, his fingers kneading my skin, pulling me even closer. With an almost gutteral groan, he climaxes, his manhood pulsating inside me. This pushes me over the edge and I explode, gasping and crying out his name. Exhausted, I collapse, resting my head on his chest. Letting out a satisfied sigh, he runs hands up and down my back gently. He says he loves me. His fingers play with my hair as he holds me. He tells me I’m beautiful. He says he doesn’t want tonight to end. When I try to get up, he stops me. He says he likes feeling me this close to him– that he wants me to sit on his lap for a little while longer. He tells me that all he has thought about over the years we’ve been apart is making love to me. Smiling, he says that the fantasy was nothing compared to the reality of being with me…feeling my body against his. He says he was a fool not to admit this to me sooner. He tells me that he’s sorry for breaking my heart so many times. He stares into my eyes a moment, studying me before he asks if I’ll give him a chance to make it all up to me. He looks around for a minute, and reaches for his jeans. Reaching into the pocket, he pu
lls out a beautiful ring. He tells me to marry him…to leave my husband and marry him. Stunned, I stare into his eyes, speechless. How can he be asking me this? What is he thinking? Is he thinking? He can’t be serious, can he? I search his face looking for my answer. He looks so intense. A million thoughts race through my mind at once. A tear rolls down my cheek, and he brushes it away tenderly. He says he knows I’ve got a lot to think about, so he doesn’t want me to answer right away. He places the ring in my palm and closes my fingers around it. Smiling softly, he touches my face and kisses me. Realizing how late it is, I, in a daze begin to gather my things so I can leave. Still holding his ring in my hand, I look at it for a moment, not believing that he really asked me to marry him. I look up to find him watching me. Catching my eye, he smiles nervously. I tell him that I’d better go. He says he knows. Taking my hand, he tells me that he’ll wait for my answer. He walks me to my car and kisses me softly before closing the door. I sit for a minute, trying to gather my thoughts. Finding that task nearly impossible, I start the engine. I smile at him and drive away with plenty to think about.