Have you ever or are you married yet you are or have been in love with love with someone else say a best friend? Well that’s me. I am a young married woman who loves her husband dearly but has deep feelings for her best friend who happens to be another man. For the sole purpose of keeping names a secret, I will call this man, my best friend, “J”and change other names as well.
“J” and I met years ago while we were in high school. In the two years we attended that school together, I got to know him pretty good. He happened to be my first crush. I found out how some guys can be really nice and sensitive. He was handsome and willing to lend an ear if need be. He would offer to help you out if he could and he would always be there for his friends. I guess that is why I fell for him. He has a really big heart and I cannot think of anything negative about him. To know him is to love him.
Anyways, one day I just could not get him off of my mind no matter what I did. I knew I had to do something. I had to tell him. But how? I know I couldn’t do it in person because one, he was far away and wasn’t due to visit for a couple more months, and two, I don’t think I could tell him face to face anyways. I couldn’t do it over the phone either because I don’t think I would have enough nerve to do so and I would probably choke up. Then it hit me – email. It might not be the classiest thing to do but what choice did I have besides not saying anything at all, and I wanted to tell him. No – I needed to tell him how I felt. We had been writing each other emails so this wouldn’t be any different, well not much anyways.
So I went and turned on the old computer and set off to work on my letter to him. You want to know what it said? Well just read on and see for yourself. Below is the letter I wrote to him, word for word.
My Dearest “J”,
Hi! How are you? I am fine and hope you are as well. How are things going your way? Things are fine here. Well almost, anyways. I need to get a few things off my chest and I need to tell you something.
Well you know we have been friends for a long time now, ever since highschool. I have gotten to know and have grown to love you very much. You knew I had a crush on you way back then, but since then I have gotten married. What you do know, is I do love Scott, what you don’t know is how much I love you, too. I know I shouldn’t be feeling this way or even telling you this, but I do feel this way. I need to tell you! Just the thought of you brightens my day. No matter what I do, all I can do is think of you. My head is in a whirl wind of thoughts. I shamefully have to admit, I get so wet thinking of you. I want to kiss, hold, and make love to you. I want you so badly it hurts. I feel guilty and all feeling this way because I am married, but I can’t help it. I want to know what it feel like to be kissed by you. To feel your soft lips pressed on mine. I want to feel the warmth of your body next to mine. I want to know what its like to make love to you. I want to feel your lips all over my body, to feel your hard rod thrusting deep inside me. I really do love and want you….
I look forward to your visit in a few months but it seems so long to wait. Well at least I was looking forward to it until now. Now I am not sure if I can even face you. I do want to see you but how can I face you. I hope we can still be friends but I wouldn’t blame you if you chose to stay away and never talked to me again. I just needed to tell you. Just if anything, don’t tell anyone about this. I know I don’t have the right to ask but please…
Well it may not seem to you like it was much of letter, but to me it was. I knew things were not going to be the same between “J” and I again. My hand was shaking so bad when I clicked on the send button that I almost didn’t send it. I had to take a chance and I took it. There was a feeling of great relief but also a feeling of regret afterwards. Had I done the right thing? Will he say anything to anyone or worst yet to Scott? Will we still be friends or had I just lost that? But I needed him to know and I felt better in a way for doing so.
A month went by and still no word back from him. I had pretty much decided in my heart and mind, that I just messed up a good friendship. So exactly a month had went by since I had sent that email but nothing else really changed. Scott and I went on with our lives like usual. The night that it had made one month, Scott and I went to a little french restuarant. We were to meet his new buisness partner there. This man I had not met yet once in the week that he had started. Scott hadn’t told me much about him, except that he had a good sense for business. (My husband owns a fairly small computer business) We got to the restuarant about 7pm and while we waited for the appetizers to arrive, I excused myself to freshen up a bit. I was only gone about 5 minutes when I got back to our table. Scott said he had a little surprise for me. This was kind of odd I thought but went along with it. “You know how I got a new business partner – well I do indeed but there’s something I haven’t told you.” Scott said. “If you turn around you will see that he has arrived and you’ll see who it is.” When I turned around, I got the surprise of my life that absolutely left me almost speachless. There in front of me stood a handsome man, and there was no mistaking who it was. “Hi Katie.” he said. “How are you?” “Fine, This is a surprise, “J”.” to be continued….