WOW….. I told you this was going to be a long story.
Weeks went by before I talked with Mark and Liz again; I had a lot to absorb and dwell on. I was in a weird place in my head. Yes, I had cheated multiple times and now I let my husband into “my little world;”it was unsettling. I slowed things down to a snail’s pace with Mark–I never ran out of excuses to tell him no and I felt bad about it. I did want him; every waking moment, I wanted him. I just needed to get a handle on this lifestyle. I have never been that comfortable in my skin anyways, so with everything going on I was a bit flustered. I finally managed to work up the courage and talk to Liz who put my fears at ease once again. She told me that her and Mark have been in the lifestyle long before they were married. With simple understanding and ground rules, they made it work. She emphatically insisted that honesty was the key. Her words, to this day, replay in my consciousness. I had lied to our friends, my family, my husband, and myself. How can I retract all that? It’s a bit too late. I had to learn self control and just take things easy. I did come to grips with everything, and despite the few small road blocks along the way it had been a great journey.
I thought about everything she told me. I decided it was time to talk with Mark, I needed to know from him what he expected from me. We had a good conversation, me informing him of our agreed “do’s and don’ts.” I laid out everything Rob and I had discussed, down to the most minute detail: Rob’s stipulation to me regarding other men was as long as I was with Mark then it’s OK. Anyone else who was even to be considered had to go through a trial basis–whatever that meant. (Needless to say, Mark was to become my new best friend.) Mark sat there silently. Most of our agreed fantasies weren’t unreasonable or too far fetched, and Mark told me what he and Liz had done. What he wanted to do and what she said no to. His list resonated with me, particularly on two points: Mark had an interest in the bondage lifestyle (my husband didn’t see the point in what he referred to as “a beating down” on someone, though I never saw it as brutal; more a loss of control–letting someone take the reigns of everything that embodies me) and his other interest…um, well, Mark was a closet bisexual. He had met with men for years just for quick sex–mostly for oral, rarely any anal. He had suggested it to Liz when they were first married, but she had turned her nose up in disgust. I was riveted, I wanted to know more. He spilled everything he had done away from Liz up to the point he met me and Rob. Although he and Liz had the same sort of agreement as my husband and I, he still felt he had to hide certain things from her. I swore to him that I’d never say anything about what was discussed. Our talks continued on to full confessions from both of us. Learning about Mark and what he was having to hide, made me feel more at ease. If even a seasoned couple in the depths of a swinging lifestyle still can’t be honest with each other, I figured Rob and I could make this work. The more he and I talked the easier it was for us to be honest, so we let everything out. Seems that he and I were kindred spirits.
Over the next few weeks, I really started to fall for him. Honestly! I started forgetting all about my husband and what he was up to. My thoughts and feelings were switching to Mark. I was more concerned about his well being than Rob’s. I told you folks, this was a lot for me to grasp. But it had been a while since Mark and I had done anything. I decided it was time to join Mark in a bit of fun. He suggested we find us another male and enjoy an afternoon. He knew I had fancied watching guys play so it was a no brainer; this was my chance to witness it with a man I adored. He was all too excited to share this with me, though I let it be known I was strictly a spectator. If the guy was mildly attractive, I might participate. Mark had a bunch of avenues to find men. For a few days, he’d send me pictures of guys willing and I got final word on who I wanted to see. We eventually selected one special guy to join us: his name was Daniel, a married and in-the-closet bisexual; Dan was no where near as attractive as Rob, though, and couldn’t hold a candle to Mark…but he was hung (sometimes that will overcome any other shortcomings). We set things up for a mid-week meeting and I flipped for the hotel room.
My two friends played on the bed as I looked on. They’d suck, kiss, lick each others bodies as I tried to stay detached and be the casual observer. But I couldn’t help but become aroused. Urging them on from my seat, I watched as they both ejaculated while I was simultaneously doing Kegel exercises. Dan called out for a towel to clean up as Mark laid there at his side. Instead of a cloth, they got me; I held each guy’s penis and licked them clean. It was my way of showing appreciation for what I just witnessed. First Mark, then Dan. I licked their penises clean, savoring every drop I could get. Afterward, we sent Daniel packing, promising to get together again sometime. Mark and I cuddled on the bed, talking about what just happened. He inquired as to why hadn’t I joined in? I told him there’s nothing I wouldn’t do with him and for him; this was strictly for him under my watchful eye. I expressed I was falling hard for him and he told me he shared the same feelings. This had gone beyond lustful whims, I was falling in love with this man. When I say there was nothing on this Earth I wouldn’t do to be with him, I meant it. I was conflicted over my feelings, but it just felt right. I was with the perfect man for me at the perfect time in a strange time of my life. He and I spent the rest of our afternoon together making love; slow, sensual, passionate, caring love. After the final orgasm–and believe me, we had many–we decided it was time to head back to our spouses. We were falling in love we each other, yet like everything tawdry in our lives, we had to hide it.
When I got home, my husband and kiddo greeted me. Hugging my daughter tight, my body washed with feelings of guilt. I looked at my husband differently; I felt like something was missing with him. I didn’t feel those loving notions for him anymore. Something was changing and not for the better. I excused myself to grab a shower, needing time to think. As I bathed, I thought about all that was going on. I loved Robert, I had married him, but the feelings I had that got us together to begin with were drifting away. Once again, I closed myself off to everyone. Well, everyone except Mark. The more time went by, the more Mark and I fell madly in love with each other…but we still had to hide our feelings. I hated having to sneak around.
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