A LONELY WIFE’S TALE 2
I woke up after the afternoon siesta with a smile on my face. Why? I dreamt of the kiss that lulled me to sleep. Although I was not able to respond to the text message that he gave, it really had a big effect on me… The thought of him kissing me with the sweet smell of his mouth gives me this burning sensation….
I wanted to make love to him… why is this so every time we argue on things… every time he send those messages that he really wanted to do it… every time me and him say we are hurt and then we ask sorry… The urge to really make love during those times is too much. I wanted to wipe away all the pain, the hurt, with kisses and hugs and lovemaking… Yes, I crave for him… so much… and it is frightening….
I know this is forbidden and, I am hurt of the thought that he could probably be interested only because I show interest, that he wanted only that from me, and not because of the love he profess… I am hurt of that thought and yet I still crave… to the point of forgetting to keep hold of the dignity of being a wife and a mother… why does he has such an effect on me?
There are a lot of times that I am caught staring blankly… they have no idea that I was already making love with him, holding his face and kissing the sweet mouth, clinging to the arms of the brown colored man that penetrates even my dreams, and my thoughts even at daybreak (hahaha)… Almost always at unexpected places and time, I envision the lovemaking making me squirm silently… like when I was inside the ladies room downstairs, I thought of him sneaking in just to get hold of me, to kiss me, to grope every part there is… to incite me to respond. And I was responding wildly, hungrily… lovingly. This is silly thought, I said to myself afterwards… but it made me smile.
This sexual tension building between him and me and haunts me. Not one particular day passed since we made love on the internet chat without me imagining how it is to make love with him, and how I will surrender despite the arguments in my head… It is just like we are just waiting for the opportune moment that we sweetly surrender to each other’s cravings and consume the much-awaited fire within. Will he stay the same after the consummation? Will it not change the love that he profess? Will he love me still? And respect me as a woman despite the surrender?
I know, one day, I will be unable to fight this yearning because I wanted him so badly… right or wrong, foolish or wise… I want him so badly. Does he know sometimes I hoped it would be soon to share this passion with him? It seems sometimes that I could not stand it if it will take much longer… (and this is with arguments in my head going on).
If that will happen, I really do not know what will happen next… whatever it is… I am sure I will not be having regrets. If he will take it as some part of his conquests, I can not do anything about it. But whatever it is that will transpire next … I do not want to dwell on it for now…