The deep end
There it was, sometimes you begin to believe there really is nothing to all that “Love at first sight” and “Hit like a runaway truck from her smile” and so on but I am here now…today…to put it right. I am…me…”God who would have thought this from ME of all people”…I am utterly and completely captivated and profoundly in love with this girl.
If I may, let me bring you into my world for a brief time. I had long given up hope for love and yes sometimes even life. At 38 I was just a ghost to most, living alone, few real friends and even lesser need for people in general. I own a modest beachwear and outdoor supply store on the west coast and do very well so anyone would think “Wow she is so together and lucky”. Ok, I do look pretty good I admit and being in the business that I am in, I can say that I can wear my suits and most of the bikini wear without being too sore on the eyes and Rebecca (one of my sales girls) always makes it a point to tell me that I should “flaunt it when ya got it sweetheart”…she’s nice but that really isn’t me and I had lost any interest in “flaunting” a long time ago. Not that I didn’t do my share of dating, it’s just that I always was looking for that fire ya know? Chemistry some may call it…but whatever it was, I never got it and over time just gave up on the thing altogether.
This brings me back to her. My god, this “Girl” took my breath away…I mean it. I could not breathe and really thought I was having a heart attack. Rebecca was behind one of the counters that day and saw me holding some scuba gear and rushed over to sit me down. She said I was all white and looked like I was going to drop the air tank. I don’t know but I found myself sitting in my office and Rebecca holding a coffee for me with a worried look, Kind of like a deer with the headlights coming towards her. I smiled at her and told her I was all right, that I’d just got dizzy from turning too fast or whatever and she seemed ok with that and went back out to the customers. Rebecca is only 19 and sweet as can be but a bit of a mother hen, though the customers love her and she has no lack of boyfriends (they come in every day to take her to lunch) she is distant to me as are most people which is how I guess I wanted life at that point.
But truth be told, I was totally blown away that this girl, this vision of all that was good in this world…came to my store and unknown to her…into my lifeless and grey life. I never thought twice about women as more than a friend and when I had realized that it was this “Girl” that did this to me, I went immediately into denial. Not me…not this…no…no. I went back to work and tried so hard not to look at her but all of you know that couldn’t last long and I looked…there she was…A perfect Brittney clone with that smile made in Heaven itself. She was talking to John about something or other…oh sorry, John is my part timer and really very nice but just works here during college breaks. He came over to me and said he had a customer whom was interested in some snorkel gear and thought I would be the one who knew what she needed.” (Wow, what a statement to make at that time in my life) It was like (seriously) a lightning bolt to my heart and my grey world melted like ice one the beach.
She walked toward me and that wonderful smiling face and bright rainbow blue eyes, drew me in like a mirror. When she came to my side and helped me as I was lifting a tank to a shelf I couldn’t believe it… we both just stood there and stared…then she giggled and I turned red again and just let the tank set back on the floor as I recovered. “Wow I’m sooo sorry maam…I thought I knew you from someplace but I can’t remember where and I just…oh it’s silly, forget it”. Hello, I’m Lauren…miss…? “Hi, my names Shauna but everyone calls me Shaunee…then she giggles again and I am wondering how the hell I can still be standing as I lean on the tank shelf for much needed support. The guy over there said you would know about some snorkel stuff I want to look at. Sure honey (oh my god, did I just call her honey?…a customer?…oh my god) is it for you or someone else? It’s for me you see I was watching a show the other day and they were diving and stuff and it looked really cool so I thought I’d like to get into it…my stupid boyfriend thought it was dumb and just another hobby I’ll drop in a week (big smile) but so what, at least I tried it right?! (Boyfriend…boyfriend…that’s what I heard her say, right?)
I think I heard her talking about some TV show and maybe some other bits about water and …god, she said boyfriend…”Lauren? You ok? Hmmm…? “Oh sorry just thinking about what would work for what you need to begin with. Oh I’m sorry, I sometimes just talk and talk and I don’t even realize it till someone shakes me and says “hey clam it!” hahahaha! There it was…her laugh…I was in deep and I knew it…I had to spend the rest of my life with this girl, this total stranger that wants me to get her a snorkel and fins for a hobby see will quit in a week….I wanted to run and stay at the same time and it just made the whole thing utterly hilarious. I don’t know if I was just so taken in with it all or For the first time in a very very long time…I was happy…whatever it was I laughed right along with her and it caught us both and we just could not stop laughing…then Rebecca and John started laughing across the store and before I knew it, most of the store just broke up laughing… and no one really knew why they were laughing but they couldn’t stop for a good five minutes. Finally we calmed down and the atmosphere in the store was almost magical. Everyone seemed in the best of moods and I had a huge urge to just take everyone out for Pizza…customers too…and by god if that isn’t just what I did.
Right next door is a Pizza shop and amazingly everyone came…Shaunee too. So I closed up the store and about 15 of us all walked into the Pizza shop having a great time and it was almost surreal but was like another person…someone who had friends and for once was really really enjoying my life…and I realized why…it was Shaunee and I was in love. Eight large pizza’s and 12 pitchers of pop and beer later…we all said our goodbye’s but not before we all became friends and also I think they might remember me better when they need some swim gear…(hey, I still have a living to make…lol).
After all left I gave the rest of the day off to John and Rebecca and they liked that idea, it was a beautiful day and it seemed perfect for time off. Shaunee came up to me and told me she had the best time ever and hugged me! Mmmmm she felt good and it took all my will not to hold her forever but after a minute or so she let go and walked off to her car. Before I realized it, I was walking fast and handing her one of my business cards, reminding her about the snorkel stuff. She looked at the card and asked about the numbers on it, I told her the first was the store next was my office and last my cell phone. Then she smiled and kinda girlishly like chanted “I got your cell phone, I got your cell phone”! Then she came up to me and tore off all the numbers but my cell and took out her pen from her pocket and wrote her cell number on the back of the rest of the torn card and put the paper in my hand, kissed my on the cheek and was driving away before I could breath two breaths.
I didn’t go home right that minute and cool down like I should have but went for a walk in a park nearby the store. I took off my shoes and walked in the cool grass and all was right with the world. I was in love and I knew it, she may have a boyfriend but still I was in love. She may be half my age but I was in love and she may not remember me at all tomorrow but still…I was in love. I walked over to and ice cream stand and bought a cone I watched ducks play…in short, I was living and it almost hurt because it felt so good and I wasn’t used to feeling good…ever. I sat down on a bench by the pond and my cell went off…with a loud
sigh I picked it from m
y purse and looked…it was Rebecca…I guess it was too much to think Shaunee would call…oh well. I flipped it open and heard a laugh on the other end.” Hey boss lady, just wanted to tell you you’re the best and that was the most fun at a job she ever had” and asked if I felt better because of earlier when I had to sit down. I told her thanks and yes I felt much better, must have been dizzy spells brought on by lack of pizza. She laughs and thanks me again and we say our goodbyes. I put the phone back and then remember I have Shaunee’s number. I slowly pull it out and look at it…her writing is even cute! Big letters, smiley faces and big loops over her S and the ee’s. God I want to call her right now and insist she come to the park with me but who am I kidding, she has someone and doesn’t know me from eve and I’m still half or more older than her…what could she see in me over a hunky boyfriend. I put the phone back in my purse and felt myself getting that “all alone” feeling again…but it was a familiar feeling and one I had grown to accept. I left the park and went home, took a shower, picked up my book and read myself to sleep…like I always do.
1:30 in the morning my phone rings…half dazed I answer…”Hi Lauren, it’s me…Shauna…did I wake you”? “Huh, I said…who”? …Shaunee! You know…from the store…don’t tell me you forgot me? And she sounded sooo sad at that that I sat right up and told her I could never forget her (oh oh). With that she seemed happier. Is everything alright honey? (There it goes again…honey).”No not really” she say’s. When I got home and called peter…sorry, that’s my friends name I was telling you about…well anyway, he went on about my hobbies again and I hit back with him and all his friends that also happen to be girls and all the time he spends with them and we went back and forth and to make a long story short…we split and you were the bright spot of my day and couldn’t get you off my mind and all the fun we had…so I had to chance it and call…I wanted to call almost after I drove off but kinda didn’t really have a reason and all…just wanted to hear you…oh there I go again…You have to tell me to zip it or I spill all over…hehehehe. I wanted to reach in that phone and pull her through, I wanted that perfect creature in my bed and in my arms right now, I wanted her to take my ring, say she would be mine forever and offer herself to me completely…but all I said was “would you like to come over and talk honey”? “Sure”!…she seemed to light up at that and before I knew it I was giving her my private address, hanging up the phone, going for a fast wake up shower and the doorbell rang. “Hi Lauren, wow did you just get out of the shower?” My hair must have got wet at the edge and showed. “Yeah but that’s ok…wow, you’re a fast driver Shauna”. Please call me Shaunee ¸I like it when you call me that. Ok…”Shaunee”…so…what’s on your mind honey? “Oh nothing really, I just wanted to hang with you for awhile”. Shauna…”Shaunee”…it’s almost 2:30 am and we barely know each other…something’s up honey…what’s wrong? With that she was in my arms and crying like a baby, we both fell to the couch and I held her as she just poured out tears. Her face was pressed into my neck and I could feel the tears roll down into my robe and over my breasts as I held her and softly stroked her silky blond hair, whispering that she was with me now and we could get through this, (whatever it was) and also becoming very aroused.
“I just want to give up Lauren, ya know? I’m so tired of being the one who does all the silly stuff and people like Peter and whoever laugh at me…no one ever takes me seriously…even Peter thought it was a joke when I said we were done and he could go to his other girls but it is done and most of the things I have done I guess have always been silly or dumb but now that I’m almost twenty, things have to get real for me and I just don’t know how to do that…and…and your so together and cool…I wanted to be just like you almost as soon as I saw you the first time at the store and…(with a hush from my mouth, I placed my hand lightly over her trembling lips and repeated…”hush”)…Here I was…2:30 in the morning in my robe lying on my couch with a piece of heaven in faded jeans and pink tee-shirt pressed snuggly into me and telling me she adores me…ME. I slowly stand up with her looking up questionly at me and I take her hand and walk her upstairs to the bedroom. I tell her it’s late and we both need our sleep and without a word, she lets me pull back the covers, sit her down on the bed, remove her sneakers and gently push her into the bed as I cover her with the blankets. I go to my side of the bed, turn off the bed lamp and slide under the blankets with her. Now you have to remember…I was totally in love with this girl by now and very comfortable in that knowledge but I’m sure she had no idea and thought I was being a good older mother to her and she drifted off to sleep within seconds.
I was besides myself. I wanted this girl so bad my heart was painful in my chest and I was on the verge of orgasm as I was holding her in my arms downstairs and now…this angel…this savior to my life…was sound asleep in my bed and blissfully unaware that I loved her like no one ever loved another…so I did the only thing I could…I turned on my bed lamp, picked up my book and read myself to sleep…like I always do.
The morning came and as I was waking up and focusing my eyes, I saw her…she was perched on her elbow and gazing at me. Then when I said” good morning honey”, see leaned in and kissed me on the lips. Slowly and sensuously. My mind was a blur…and then she got up and smiled saying “I’m making breakfast and you get to eat in bed”! With that she was out the door and in no time I could hear the pots and pans banging and smiled to myself…If this is not Heaven, then heaven must be a very very wondrous place indeed! I got up and made it to the shower, brushed my teeth and finished up before my angel came up…put on a long night shirt and crawled back into bed with my hairbrush. Then she appeared in the doorway with one of my wetsuits on her and carrying a tray of eggs, burnt toast, some very well done sausage links and an Orange juice. “Cool huh”! she says…I found this in your closet and thought it would be neat to see how one feels, you never did get a chance to so me, remember?…hehehehe. I gazed at her and she looked so beautiful in my suit and the curves of her body were all there for me alone…to admire. Then I noticed the smoking toast and sausage and almost felt sorry for her, after all her hard work and it was burnt…I smiled warmly. “You look perfect honey” and I looked at the tray and she saw where I was looking and frowned. “I…i never was a good chef Lauren, I’m sorry…I try hard but I guess I don’t pay enough attention to things when I’m doing them…I was just so caught up in making you happy and giving back a lil bit of what you gave me last night…I’m sorry…I’ll get you another tray. I said quickly not to and what she made was fine…I like burnt toast and sausage…I make them that way all the time and she smiled and put down the tray on the carpet and jumped on the covers telling me I was the greatest and hugging me! I couldn’t resist holding her and running my finger lightly over the suit material down her back and then asking her how it felt, now that she had one on. “Mmmmm…it’s nice and warm and snuggly, like you Lauren but I can’t get the zipper to undo, that’s why I still have it on…”I can’t get it off”!, and she laughs out loud and then we both laugh. I tell her that particular suit has a zipper way down the back and you need and extent piece to zip with it and it should have been with the other stuff in that closet. “Oh” she says…sorry…but then I tell her to roll over and I will pull it down for her. She looks at me for a time then slowly rolls over onto her tummy and I pull the zipper down. Past her shoulders I see that she took off her bra to get the suit on…then down her back till I could
sight of her pink panty covered butt and down to the back of her leg. “There…all done”. She noticeable didn’t move and I was wondering if something was wrong. Then she says almost faintly into the pillow…she says” Lauren?… lauren…do you like girls?…Shocked but not totally shocked…I tell her I don’t know but I think I’m in Love with you Shaunee…There it was…how that came out I’ll never know and having the nerve to say it so openly to her like that…it wasn’t me it was someone else and I wasn’t in that room…but it was and I did say it and I was in that room…with her…with my life’s love and all I could do was gaze at her perfect ass and wonder what must be going through her young mind right now. She seemed to get somewhat rigged when I told her and seemed like she was going to bolt for the nearest exit…but then she went soft and relaxed into the bed on her tummy and I couldn’t see her face as her hair was covering her but at last she whispered into the pillow…”I understand now…it was me wasn’t it…when you got dizzy and when you told me you were so happy last night at the party…it was me” Yes, I said…Yes baby, I think it was you”. Then she slowly got off the bed and left the room…a short time later I heard her car drive off…and an even shorter time later, I was in more tears than she ever was last night in my arms.
The weeks passed slowly at that point in my life and I did try to call Shaunee many times but she never answered her phone…I tried to locate her but didn’t know where she lived or anyone that knew her…so after awhile I heartbreakingly gave up and went back to my grey world, with now one knowing I was an empty shell and lifeless. Even in the mornings at home I could never get the picture of that darling in my wet suit holding a burning tray of food for me and frowning because she thought I was disappointed in her…God…was she sooo wrong ever in her life. But then I would come back to reality and see my empty house and empty life and sigh before getting ready for the store.
Almost a month went bye when I get a package in my office…It says it comes from LA and was dated two days ago…I open it and inside is a cell phone and a small note on pink paper…it reads” Dear Lauren…I have had a lot to think about and I have finally decided to act (for once). If you still want me, I have enclosed my phone…push speed dial 1 and take me. Or if I have hurt you too much then please throw away my phone and I will never bother you again. Love Shaunee.
My heart raced! I was back in heaven and my world became color and light all at once and as fast as I could I hit speed dial 1. Five rings later I hear”Lauren. Is this you”? I tell her it is. She pauses for a time then say’s” I have been so mixed up and you are on my mind every second and I have moved out of the apt. I was in and was up her in LA with my aunt and uncle for awhile thinking things through…now that you called me, do you still want me Lauren?. I am almost to the point of tears now as I tell her “Yes baby, I want you forever and ever…come to me honey and make me happy”. A long pause later I hear her say, “yes…I’m coming…to you…to…home”. Late that night the doorbell rings and there she is…my angel wearing kaki pants and a sweat shirt. I take her bags into the porch and don’t even notice as she walks by me into the house and up the stairs…I curiously follow her and she goes to my bedroom and stops at the side of my bed and turns softly toward me. “Do you really love me Lauren”? And I say yes baby, with all my heart. With that she pulls off her sweater and wow, she is wearing a new wet suit of her own…black with a big hot pink sash color down the side…she then removes her kaki pants and lies down on the bed, bringing her hand to the front zipper of her suit. “You look wonderful baby” I tell her and I see you bought a suit with a front zip…very good girl (I smile down at her). Now baby remember, I have been hurt before and I know you have been to, so when I say I want you, means totally and without question…I want to make you my lover my life and even my wife…I want you to give up all your thoughts of being silly and just be who you are baby because that’s the girl I’m in love with. Now…with that knowledge do you still wish to give yourself to me…me alone…forever and become mine…? Her answer was a silent yes and her fingers pulling down her zipper and showing me the naked perfect body that was now mine and releasing herself from any thought other than making me happy and as I pull her suit off her…I know I’m in deep and it will be heaven on earth from now and for forever.
End of part one