My dearest Jasna,
I wish for once I was brave enough to tell you what I was truly thinking, what I honestly feel inside in all my heart and soul and mind. I want to tell you so adly, but I can’t. It’s just too hard, and you would hate me.
You’re everything I wish that I could be… smart, succesful, pretty… everyone looks up to you and goes to you for advice. I know I do. I wouldn’t have made it at work had it not been for you, or Sebiha. But Sebiha is another story in and of itself. I know you are married and have a family… I know you don’t like girls the way I must, because that’s the way I like you.
No, I love you. I really mean that from the pttom of my heart when I tell you that. I know you say it back, but you don’t know the meaning behind it. To you, those are just words I say to all my friends. But Jasna, U love you with all that I am. Nothing can ever change that. And I hurt inside because I can’t tell you, because I know I will never be able to be with you. I dream of you in the night, you haunt my dreams… I want us to share just one moment together… I want to kiss you and tell you all the things I am writing in this letter I will never send you. I know you can’t take this truth. And so I have changed our names, and I have posted it online so perchance you might find it someday.
My heart is breaking, thinking about you, everytime I look at you, hear your voice…. I can not find it in my heart to care for another… I wish you could give me an answer as to what to do. I need to feel your arms around me again, like the one day I got really sick before work and you had your arm around me, making me drink that blue powerade stuff… I need to hear you tell me you love me, even if it is a lie, I need to hear you say it once more. I miss you when you aren’t around, Jasna…. I don’t know what I would do without you,
I pray you don’t hate me for what I said. I know you’ll never speak to me again, if you knew, but then I could rest somewhat peacefully knowing you knew. It would be agonizing pain to know you hated me though. What am I trying to say, Jasna? I want you, I love you, and I know I’ll never have you. I just had to tell you.
With all my heart, Aida