We slept until nearly noon. When I awoke, I was spooned with my new lover. His arm was protectively draped across my waist, my own arm covering his. I lay there enjoying the warmth and safety, the feeling of a man next to me for the first time in such a very long time. Shug’s breathing was soft, regular and slow. I lay there silently, not wanting to disturb him.
I turned the events of the last eight hours over in my mind. I had virtually demanded this boy make love to me. He was so kind. I recalled his offering to let me sleep unmolested. It was my decision, I remembered, to crawl into his bed. When I considered our joining, my desperate need for him, his willingness to please me, I realized I wanted more. I thought about his startlingly bright blue eyes. I wondered what they would look like when not beset by fatigue. I didn’t see how they could be more brilliant.
If I allowed my mind to run wild I could imagine a relationship with this young man. What would it be like, I wondered. He’s so much younger than I am. Maybe he wouldn’t want a relationship with someone like me, someone as old as I. Yet, perhaps it was just what he was looking for.
“I’m putting my husband through medical school,” I heard myself explain to friends. And after medical school, what? Long hours of loneliness as he endured an internship, then a residency. Could I handle that? And, what about all those pretty young nurses in the hospital setting. Doctors, too, I realized. Beautiful, young women with plenty of brains and great figures. He would be besieged, as attractive as he is.
Whoa! I told myself. This is getting way out of hand. I’d only known this guy for less than a day. My husband? What was my motivation for that kind of thinking? True, I’d been alone for those three awful years. Nathan did need a father figure other than my father, who was, God bless him, doing all he could to see the boy had a good role model. Dad took him to ball games and carnivals. But, still, Dad was Grandpa, not Daddy.
Was it my own desperate need that took me down this path of immediate commitment? Was I so bereft of feelings and emotions without a man around that I would consider such a reckless decision. I really needed to put the brakes on my own imagination. For now, I decided, I would just enjoy Shug’s company for as long as it lasted. When I’d taken him to St. Louis, I’d probably never hear from him again. But, I would have, my mind rationalized, wonderful memories of this night and this boy.
I twisted in the bed, rolling over to face him. I propped up on an elbow so I could look at him. I was amazed to discover that the straight sandy blond hair I’d seen last night had become golden and somewhat curlier. He must have been truly soaked through by the time I’d picked him up.
I twirled a small lock of his hair around my finger. I smiled at his peaceful, youthful visage. I couldn’t resist planting a soft kiss on his forehead, close to the temple. I inhaled the fragrance of him, and kissed him lightly again.
The silence in the room crumpled with a little hum of pleasure. I heard Shug’s voice whisper, “Good morning, pretty lady.”
I apologized. “I woke you up. I’m sorry.”
“It’s all right,” he told me. “It was a very nice way to wake up.”
“Did you sleep all right?” I asked.
Shug rolled on his back and stretched. “Mm-hmm,” he murmured. “I slept great. How about you?”
“The best in years,” I answered.
“Pretty weird, though,” Shug acknowledged.
“I was just thinking the same thing,” I told him.
“Nice,” he said. “But, still, I don’t know…kind of…I don’t know.”
“Impulsive,” I offered.
“But I don’t regret it,” I said.
“Maybe not right now. But, in nine months you might.”
“Not to worry,” I assured him. “I’m only four days from my last period. I’m not fertile yet.”
“Oh.” He sounded relieved.
“Look,” I told him. “I’ve got to pee really bad. Then I want to brush my teeth.”
“So, you’re leaving me already? Screw, sleep and scoot? Is that it?” he joked.
I popped a little fist into his side. “That’s not it, at all,” I protested. “We just need to make arrangements, you know. There’s only one bathroom.”
“Oh,” he said, again. “Well, you go ahead to the bathroom first, and I’ll brush my teeth. And, I’ll meet you back here in, say, six minutes?”
“Why six?” I asked.
“Because it’s not five, and four is probably too short,” he answered with a reasonable tone. It struck me a curious.
“Six minutes, then,” I agreed. “Right here? Or, do you want to use the other bed?”
“I have an emotional attachment to this one,” Shug said. “It’s where we first became intimate. I like this bed. I’ll probably have to buy it from the motel.”
“You’re crazy, aren’t you?” I said.
“It is, after all,” Shug said, that reasonable tone in his voice again, “a very special bed.”
“Of course it is,” I nodded in agreement, trying not to smile and to use that same reasonable tone. “I’m going to the bathroom now.”
“Can I kiss you before you go?” Shug asked.
“I’d really rather not,” I told him. “Morning breath and all.”
“How about right here,” he said, placing a finger on my shoulder.
“There would be fine,” I assented.
Shug leaned upwards and planted his lips right where his finger touched. I felt his tongue swipe at the skin. It made me shiver.
“You need a shave, too, my dear,” I said.
“I’ll take care of that right now,” he nodded. “Although six minutes doesn’t give much time for a close shave.”
I rolled toward the edge of the bed and sat up. “Do your best. Just don’t be late.”
I recovered my T-shirt from the floor where I’d dropped it in the dark and headed toward the bathroom. As I sat on the commode, I made a definitive decision. I couldn’t count on a relationship with Shug. I wouldn’t set my sights on that. But, one thing I’d been missing for years was fun. So, I decided, what I would do for as long as we were together would be to have fun. He had a great sense of humor. He made me laugh, or at least giggle. I would enjoy that. If something more developed, that would be fine. If not, I would be able to get past it. I committed to not committing. That done, I could more easily be myself and simply enjoy whatever hours we would be allowed to share with each other.
I yelled through the door. “Are you anxious to ditch me?”
“What?” I heard Shug holler back.
“Are you anxious to get rid of me and be on your way?”
“Now you’re the one who’s talking crazy,” he yelled to me.
“I thought maybe you’d, you know, want to be on about your business. You got laid and had a good night’s sleep and were ready to move on.”
Shug opened the door. I was startled. He peered down at me, sitting on the commode. I felt totally vulnerable. His face was half-covered with shaving cream. I could see the swipes he’d taken with his razor, like plow-tracks through snow. He had a towel wrapped around his middle. Shug’s eyes were brilliant and flashing.
“Is that what you think of me, Caroline? Is that what kind of man you think I am?”
I was trembling. “I don’t know, Shug. I don’t know you. I hardly know you at all.”
“I’ll tell you what else you don’t know, Caroline. You don’t know yourself. You don’t know how incredibly attractive, no, no. Not even attractive. Beautiful. You’re beautiful, Caroline. You’re beautiful and you’re kind. You’re generous. You picked me up off the road in a rainstorm and gave me a place to sleep. You gave yourself to me. You…you…”
“Bitch?” I offered.
“No, goddammit,” he flared. “Stop doing that. You always demean yourself. Don’t do it. First you’re too old. Then you’re a bitch. You don’t really believe that, do you? Do you always do that, or is it just with me?”
“No,” I stammered, shaking under the intensity of his words. “I don’t. I think it’s because you’re so young, and so beautiful. I feel, I don’t know, unworthy, sort of.”
Shug looked exasperated. He shook his head. “Finish up in there. I can’t believe we’re having an argument already. We’ve known each other less than a day and we’re having an argument.”
“It’s my fault,” I said. “I just feel so…I don’t know.”
“Yeah, I know,” he said. “Unworthy. Look, finish up in there. Then we need to have a talk.”
I nodded. “All right. Are we still going to make love?”
Shug stood stock still for a few seconds. Then his face broke into the widest smile I had ever seen.
“You’re a real piece of work, you know that?” he said. “You’re just incredible.” He backed away, pulling the door. “Finish up,” he said. “I’ve got to pee, too.” The door closed.
I finished up and flushed. I stepped out and stood next to Shug. His shaving process had been completed and he was leaning over the sink brushing his teeth. I put my hand on his back.
“I don’t want to fight, really,” I said to him, as gently as I could manage. Shug stood up, the white toothpaste circling his lips. He looked at my reflection and nodded, then bent down and continued to brush. I leaned over and kissed his back where my hand rested. Shug made no move other than to continue brushing.
My hand trailed down his back as I left him there to retrieve my own toothbrush from my overnighter. I saw my dryer and brush on the bureau where I’d left them all those hours ago before we’d made love, slept and argued. I took the brush with me to the vanity. I ran it through my riot of locks, trying to bring some order to the chaos. It was futile.
Shug finished in the bathroom and walked by me as I stood at the vanity.
“Brush your teeth,” he ordered, “then come back to bed.” He didn’t even look at me, just issued his order as he walked past.
When I’d finished and rinsed, I went to the bed where Shug had already situated himself under the covers. I noticed he’d parted the draperies so the room was flooded in light.
“Lose the shirt,” Shug directed. I pulled the T-shirt over my head. I stood in front of him feeling terribly vulnerable once again. Shug looked me over and smiled. He lifted the cover. “Come on,” he said. I climbed into the bed.
Shug wrapped his arms around me. “Can I kiss you now?” he asked. I nodded.
His kiss was gentle, warm and tasted of toothpaste. His tongue licked gently at my lips. When he released my lips he kissed my cheek, my forehead and my temple.
“I love your hair,” he said. “I love all those curls just going everywhere.”
I put my hands on his face, feeling the smoothness from his shave. I kissed him under the eyes. “I love your eyes,” I told him. “I love their color, their brightness, and the way they flash when you’re angry.”
Shug kissed my lips again, softly and quickly. “Let’s talk,” he said.
“Okay,” I assented.
“I am very much attracted to you,” Shug started out. I smiled.
“I find you warm, exciting, intoxicating,” he continued. I started to feel self-conscious.
“I hate it when you demean yourself.” His voice was soft, but intense.
“I’m afraid,” I admitted.
“Of me?” Shug asked, not in disbelief, but with sincerity.
I shook my head. “Of me. I have been so lonely, so angry. I’ve had plenty of offers to, you know, get laid, get taken care of in return for whatever. I’ve been feeling somewhat desperate this last six months or a year. Men my age…” Shug put a finger on my lips.
“No, let me finish. Men my age are either married or complete losers,” I said. “There are so very few good men in the pool. So, when I met you, and you seem so…I don’t know, so perfect. I’m afraid I’ll do something stupid. I’m afraid I’ll be in too much of a hurry.”
“So you do regret last night?” Shug said.
“No, I don’t,” I said. “Last night was marvelous. Today is what worries me.”
“Because, I don’t know you, Shug,” I told him. “I don’t know you at all. I don’t know if you’ve got a wife, a fiancée, a girlfriend. I don’t know if you’re an alcoholic, divorced, or even gay, for God’s sake.”
Shug chuckled. “Think we can pretty much eliminate the last.”
“Okay,” I agreed, “but still. You’re twenty-four. I’m thirty-two. I’m a mother. I have a son. I don’t even know if you’ve got any children. This is all happening so fast and my emotions are running rampant. Maybe it’s just hormones, or something. I don’t know. But, I do know that I’m afraid.”
“Caroline,” Shug said, softly. “I am unattached. Remember, I’m a medical student. I don’t have time to develop a relationship.”
“Back home, though?” I asked. “No high school or college sweetheart in St. Louis?”
“I am unattached, Caroline,” he confirmed. “No wife, girlfriend, and certainly no children. I have never been married. I am single. A bachelor.”
“I feel better,” I admitted.
“Good,” he said. “As far as ages go, is this really an issue? At this point in our relationship, who cares about our ages?”
“We have a relationship?” I asked.
“Of some sort,” he told me. “If nothing else, we’re lovers. Aren’t we? Didn’t we make love?”
“People in a one-night-stand don’t have relationships,” I reminded him.
“So, does that mean you’re planning on using me and casting me aside?” he asked. “Just another notch in your belt? Another conquest you can brag about to the girls in the office?”
“You make me laugh,” I confided in him. “I like how you make me laugh.”
“You’re very pretty when you laugh,” he said. “Your eyes sparkle and your hair bounces like crazy. I love that. I would really like to spend some more time with you and see if I can continue to make you laugh.”
I leaned toward him and kissed his lips. “Hmmm,” I said. “Tastes like sugar.”
Shug grinned widely. “Sugar is sweet,” he said, “but sex won’t rot your teeth.”
“Are we done talking?” I asked.
“For the time being, I guess,” he said.
“Good,” I said, pushing his shoulder backward and straddling his belly on my knees. I leaned forward, putting my forearms on his shoulders. I looked into his sparkling blue eyes, leaned down and kissed him gently.
“No girlfriend?” I asked.
“Nope,” he said, and I kissed him again.
“Uh-uh.” I kissed him again.
“No wife, yet.” This time I kissed him for a long time, my tongue probing into his mouth. I broke the kiss, knelt upright and felt behind me for his cock. It was still pretty flaccid.
“You don’t seem to be ready, yet,” I observed, stroking him lightly.
“It won’t take long,” he said. “You look so beautiful up there above me. I can feel the desire for you building up down there already.”
“Maybe this will help,” I said, releasing him and falling forward. I put my hands on the bed above him, positioning my breasts right at the level of his face. “If you suck on these, will you get hard?”
“Oh, most definitely,” I heard him say, his little puffs of breath splashing across my nipples generating my own stimulation.
Shug took my right nipple between his lips. His tongue tweaked it, making sparks fly down my whole right side. Immediately I felt the dampness develop between my thighs. He licked circles around my areolas, and then sucked the nipples between his lips. He gently nibbled, his teeth raking across my engorged flesh. I rocked forward and back, the heat building inside me as he suckled. His hands found my waist. He slid one down my belly. I could feel his fingers probing into my pussy. I groaned as his knuckle grazed my clit.
“Oh, please,” I murmured in his ear. “Tell me you’re ready.”
“Almost,” he whispered back.
I lifted up and put all my weight on my left hand. My right snaked between us. I had to scoot backwards a few inches until I could grab him.
Shug wasn’t hard, yet. He felt semi-firm, sort of rubbery. I clutched the head of his cock and maneuvered it into the proper location.
“You can finish growing inside me,” I said, pushing my bottom down on him and forcing his semi-erect dick into my steaming hole.
Shug chuckled. “Another reference to our age difference?” he whispered.
Concentrating on the sensations, it didn’t register. “What are you talking about?”
“I can finish growing inside you?”
“Oh,” I said, clutching at him with my muscles.
“How many years would I have to stay inside you to grow up?” he asked.
“Years and years,” I moaned. “I want you inside me for years and years.”
Shug’s member was swelling inside me. I could feel the pulsations as the blood engorged his rod. I slid myself up and back on him fairly gently, just enjoying the feeling of him in there. My brain was awash with sensations. The center was, of course, at the area of our joining. But there was so much more. The heat seemed to course through my entire bloodstream. My fingers wanted to squeeze on him; my lips to suck on his, my legs to squeeze him like a stallion. I wanted to melt into him, melt around him, ride him, and hold him.
“Open your eyes,” Shug commanded softly. “I told you, I want to see your face and your eyes when you come.”
I opened my eyes and looked directly into his. Their brightness seemed doubled by the heat of our passions. I yearned to dissolve into those eyes and become truly one with him. My lips were trembling so I bit the bottom one; I threw my head back, and then shook it with the overwhelming sensations assaulting me.
“Look at me,” Shug directed sternly.
I look into his eyes.
“You’re close to coming, aren’t you?” he said.
“Talk to me,” he commanded. “Tell me what’s going on.”
“Oh, Shug,” I poured out in a great exhalation, “I can’t! I just can’t. It’s so intense. So overwhelming!”
“Tell me,” he ordered.
“I can feel you,” I gasped. “I feel you there. It feels so good.” I gasped several times. “You’re heat is flowing all through me,” I told him. “Down there, up my back, in my legs and arms. My brain is so foggy, so, Ohhhh!”
My muscles spasmed on him, contracting involuntarily. The crest of the wave was just behind me. I could feel it building up, ready to carry me over the top.”
“Oh, Shug,” I cried, “I’m coming, baby. Hold me! Hold me!”
I clutched at his neck, driving my mouth toward his. Shug wrapped his arms around my back and pulled me toward him. My knees slid backwards and I collapsed on top of him, his cock still lodged inside me. I twitched my hips on his and Shug responded. He hitched upwards meeting my every thrust.
“I can’t see you this way,” Shug said, pushing my torso away. I looked into his eyes. As the wave crested over me, I watched his face and saw it break into his gorgeous smile. I wailed in ecstasy as my orgasm crashed through me. I grabbed at his upper arms and squeezed him as hard as I could.
“Ow! Goddammit, Caroline!” Shug bellowed. I was confused.
“What?” I said, just barely beyond my own orgasm, and still a little fuzzy.
“My arms, woman,” he said. “Look!”
There were red welts and scratch marks.
“Did I do that?” I asked.
“Yeah, you did,” he said. He sounded hurt.
“I’m sorry, Shug,” I told him. “I don’t mean to hurt you.”
“I know, Caroline, but damn we’re going to have to come up with a way … I don’t know. I’m not going to last very long if you’re going to claw me viciously every time we screw.”
“It’s just, everything is so intense,” I admitted. “I lose control.”
“Okay, fine,” he nodded. “That means that I can’t, right? One of us has to be in control.”
“I want you to enjoy it,” I said.
“Don’t worry, sweetie,” he told me. “I’ll enjoy it a lot better if I don’t have permanent scars.”
“I feel badly,” I said. “I’ve ruined it, haven’t I?”
“Caroline, do you feel this?” Shug asked, pulsing his cock inside me.
“Yeah,” I told him. I could feel it, all right.
“Then we’re not done. But here,” he said, lifting his hands up to me, “take my hands. Interlock the fingers.”
I did as Shug instructed. With our fingers locked together, Shug planted his elbows in the bed and held our hands between us.
“Now,” he said, smiling “now you can do your worst. Except, no biting, okay?”
“Okay,” I agreed.
“You can scream, if you want. You can shout. You can curse. Whatever makes you feel good,” he said. “Just don’t let go.”
“Okay,” I nodded.
Bless him. That little interlude must have done something for Shug’s endurance. I rode him, starting out slowly, and eventually building to a fever pitch. I was humping him, screaming and wailing. I had three glorious orgasms. The last one was so intense I both screamed and wept at the same time as he pumped his come into me while my muscles tried to milk him dry. Shug’s placement of our hands gave me a wonderful point of leverage. I thumped my hips on him, leaning forward and sliding him nearly out of me, then plunging back down. I screamed wordlessly, my mind unable to formulate words. It felt so thoroughly excellent to have him inside me.
When I collapsed toward him, Shug released his grip on my hands and wrapped his arms around me. I lay panting, my head resting on his shoulder. I kept squeezing him, voluntarily this time, trying to extend that marvelous full feeling.
“How you doing, woman?” Shug asked.
“I’m exhausted,” I answered.
“Only exhausted?” he pressed.
“And happy,” I replied. Having said it, I checked in with my feelings. Happy? Elated was more like it. I’d never had three orgasms in a single session before.
“You were crying,” Shug said. “I got worried.”
“Tears of joy, believe me,” I told him. “I love making love with you.”
“Was that making love?”
“What did you think it was?” I asked.
“It felt like fucking. Raw passion. Lust.”
“Okay,” I said. “What’s making love, then?”
“I’ll have to show you,” he said, “later. Not now. I think were both about worn out.”
“Come to think of it,” I said, “I’m famished. We haven’t even had breakfast. What is it? Almost noon?”
“I’ve got some granola bars in my pack,” Shug offered.
“That’s not going to do it today, baby” I said, rolling off my lover. “I’ve got to have protein. Red meat. I am ravenous. We’re going to have to go out somewhere.”
“Caroline,” Shug looked miserable. “I’m broke, honey.”
I laughed. “Of course you are. You’re a student. Students are always broke. This is my treat.”
“I feel bad about that,” Shug admitted.
I put my hand on his chest. I could feel his heart beating strongly under the smooth skin.
“Don’t worry, Shug. I can afford this. I want to do this, for you. For us. Come on, let’s get dressed and go find something to eat.”
“Should we check out?” Shug suggested.
“We can. You want to go down the road a bit this afternoon?”
“Fine with me,” he said.