Two days later, and it was just as she had initially thought. Amishi did feel miserable and lonely. Her air-conditioning had managed to cool her skin, but there was a fire raging deep within her. She hadn’t been able to get Kuntal out of her mind. Could he be the answer to all her dreams? She had never believed in love at first sight. And maybe this was lust at first sight. But that didn’t deter her from wanting to fuck him, plain and simple. She could only blame herself. It sucked that it could’ve been easily remedied if she’d just been brave enough to invite Kuntal in. If she were only more vivacious and secure about what she wanted, she could have gone after him, and that decision could have led to the best night of her life, and who knew, maybe even something more.
She hated that emotion with a passion because it only opened the doors to more sadness, but as much as she tried not to think about him, she couldn’t. She had dialed Aashita’s number wanting to be cheered up, but she should’ve known that Aashita knew aboubt all her Sex affairs of the past , her employer, employee , the housekeeper, Suresh, her office boy, etc. Still, she was the only person who understood Amishi and what she needed from a man. “I’ve had a horrid day, Aashita. I just passed up the chance to invite my neighbor in for some drinks, all because I was too scared. He claimed he was headed to work to pick up some files, but I caught him staring at me. It was weird and the perfect opportunity at the same time, and I blew it by not asking him into my apartment flat out.” “I’m sure there will be another opportunity. You’ll be ready for it the next time it happens.” “Not likely. I don’t believe he feels the same way about me as I do about him.”
“You’ll never know unless you try, Amishi.”
“Maybe. But I can’t even concentrate on making a move, even though he’s all I think about lately.”
Well, that and the fact that Amishi had misplaced her RED JOURNAL, the one where she used to jot down all her affairs, like the one with her boss in Baroda, her Housekeeper Suresh’s Sex Lust, and many more. ” I’ve searched everywhere for it, and nothing.” It had been a huge mistake to toss it into her purse, figuring she could write in it during her lunch hour from work. In the spring and summer seasons, she tended to eat across the street at a park and feed the birds. The moment she had realized it was gone, she had searched everywhere in a fit of panic, including the park, her workplace, and every block in between her home and job. But nothing had surfaced. “The book thing is scary. Isn’t that the same book you write in every day? The same hot fantasies and sex experiences you have had with all those young guys, you’ve told me about?”
Amishi felt like crying. Besides Aashita, her journal had been the one outlet into which she could pour her emotions and the desires she had held within her for years. It seemed like she’d lost her best friend, and feeling that way for a book was silly, even stupid, but that’s how she felt. “It is. Would it be silly to go to the cops about it?” She closed her eyes in frustration. That was probably the most idiotic thing she had ever asked anyone. She could just picture what the police would think of her if she showed up at their precinct to report a missing diary.
“I don’t think it would be top on their list of things to look for, honey. Cheer up. It could still show up. Your vacation has already started, and you should have come over tonight. We could have gone out and celebrated. Better yet, do you know what you need?” Aashita asked. Hearing her friend’s voice reminded Amishi that she wasn’t alone.
Amishi knew exactly what she needed but still asked the dreadful question anyway in hopes of pacifying Aashita, even though there was no appeasing her when she got an idea in her head. “What?” “To get laid. Your neighbor probably won’t be gone all night. Why don’t you just walk over to that hot man’s apartment and invite him back to your place? Wait! I have an even better idea. As soon as he opens the door, you step inside and proceed to show him how much you want him. If he doesn’t know what to do from that point on, then he’s hopeless.”
Amishi laughed. “That’s all I need right now: more rejection. You know perfectly well I’m not going through with that plan. But let’s just say I did. What if he slammed the door in my face? What if he thought I was nuts?”
“You’re insane. You naked is any man’s dream. I wish I were blessed with the body you have, instead of a fat body like mine. You just need some courage to go after what you want. I still can’t believe you don’t see what’s in plain sight.”
Aashita was right, but her words still didn’t give Amishi the confidence she needed.
“You’re nowhere near fat. I don’t ever want to hear you talk that way again.”
“Yeah, yeah. Getting back to you. Think about it. It’s the perfect way to get his attention.”
“I’ll think about it, Aashita. Revealing to a man what I truly want in bed is frightening. I don’t want to be let down. I could just picture Kuntal running from me, instead of to me.”
“Stop being so scared. Go for it. There’s still an equal chance he can run to you.
Amishi, you can’t live your life alone forever. You have to go after what you want.” It was so simple to hear the words, but to act on them was another matter entirely.
“I’ll think about it.” Amishi sighed. “I’m heading to bed. Tomorrow will be the start of a new day, and hopefully I can put everything into perspective then.”
“Give me a call sometime tomorrow. Take care.”
“I will. Bye.”